I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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