I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
