I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
