You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
