i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
