TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
