so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
