You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
