Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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