This girl is more easily done than said...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
