make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
