Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
