I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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