I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
