i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she looked like the before picture.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
