You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
