Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
