I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
