i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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