Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
