see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
