I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
