i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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