Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
