Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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