my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
