no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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