the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize