i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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