After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
