I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
