He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
