But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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