I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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