there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
