...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
