I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
