Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
