Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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