How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize