no, he came in my armpit
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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