was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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