You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
