If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
