one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
