i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
