Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
