This is not my ceiling
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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