just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Is it because I queefed?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I party with great urgency now.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
