you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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