Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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