Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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