Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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