to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he puts the penis in happiness.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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