where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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