you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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