Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
