dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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