I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
