we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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