drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Randomize
