Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
