God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
