Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
