I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish life had little blips of pornography
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
