This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
