she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
