At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
