you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
