Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
