Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
