apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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