i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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