i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
