i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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