No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
