You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
