oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
