Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
