He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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